The Wackiest New Year's Resolutions of 2025 (So Far!)

The new year has sprung, and with it, the inevitable flood of New Year's resolutions. Many of us have likely already stumbled in our attempts to stick to our ambitious goals. Don't worry, you're not alone! But instead of focusing on the failures, let's celebrate the wonderfully weird and hilariously relatable resolutions making the rounds this year.

I've compiled a list of some of the wackiest and funniest resolutions I've encountered – and trust me, they're a laugh riot. So grab your coffee (unless you're aiming for resolution #8!), settle in, and prepare to chuckle along.

1. Quit procrastinating… starting tomorrow. This classic is a personal favorite. The sheer audacity of it! It's almost inspirational in its blatant self-awareness.

2. Learn how to properly fold a fitted sheet. A universal struggle! This one resonates deeply, particularly for those who've endured years of wrestling with this deceptively simple piece of bedding.

3. Stop blaming the dog for questionable smells. Guilty as charged!

How many of us have looked at our furry friend with a knowing glare, silently assigning blame for that... ahem... aroma?

4. Use a calendar app to remember birthdays instead of panicking last minute. The harsh reality of aging. This one hits home,
reminding us that time marches on, and with it, the ever-increasing pressure to remember all those important dates.

5. Stop scrolling and actually go to bed when I say I was going to. Ah, the siren song of the smartphone. We've all been there, promising ourselves an early night, only to find ourselves hours later, still scrolling.

6. Remember that if I can’t say anything nice, say it with impeccable sarcasm. This is a resolution that combines honesty with a healthy dose of wit. A truly achievable goal for the masters of dry humor.

7. Learn how to fix that squeaky cabinet instead of just ignoring it.

The age-old battle of procrastination versus home repair. We all know that nagging squeak, and we all know we're avoiding it.

8. Spend less than $1,825 on coffee at Starbucks this year. A bold, ambitious, and arguably financially responsible goal. But let's be honest, that Starbucks siren call is strong.

9. Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out. This one takes the cake for sheer, unadulterated comedic genius. It's so brilliantly wrong, it's almost right... almost.

10. Here’s to making better bad decisions this year. This is the resolution that encompasses the spirit of 2025. Embrace the chaos, and make the most of whatever questionable choices come your way!

Whatever your resolutions may be, and whether you succeed or not, here's to a fantastic 2025! Share your own resolutions in the comments below – let's laugh (and maybe learn a thing or two) together.